when the things that really count, can't be counted...

When the things that count..cant be counted

When I received a call from the developer that I could collect the keys for my house, I was beyond excited. But soon after, the excitement was followed with a slightly sad feeling. This meant..full monthly instalments. And due to the fact that the house was finished faster than anticipated, we have to pay earlier than what we had planned for.

Of course, Shahir isn’t worried. I have to hand it to my inlaws. I think they raised an amazing man, a man who is always bright and optimistic and never complains. Even when times are hard or money is low, Shahir always manages to find the silver lining. He never stresses. He just does what he has to do. He makes it look so easy.

I, on the other hand, worry. I can recall him asking me when we were getting to know each other, “what is you worst flaw?” and I had answered, “I care too much, I worry too much”. He didn’t think that was a big flaw and I remember laughing and telling him, “Just you wait and see.”

Yes, I tend to overthink things some times. I plan ahead, I strategise, I anticipate problems. Sometimes, its a good thing. Shahir says im the most efficient person he has ever met. But at times, its not such a good thing. Sometimes, the worry stops me from enjoying the things that are meant to be enjoyed.

I don’t want to burden him. I don’t want to be high in debt just to maintain a life for me. I don’t want to borrow money from my parent, unless I really have to. I want to give a good, comfortable life to my unborn child and provide him/her with good healthcare and a roof over her head.

Bearing all those things in mind, I plan. The first thing I do when I get my salary, i save most of it. I give some to my mom, I pay my debts, I save. I only shop at the end of the month when my salary is about to come in (that way I don’t go on a shopping spree only to be practically moneyless at the end of the mont). Even then, I spend more money on my husband 9coz I like buying him things, and he never buys anything for himself coz he is a simple man so it makes me happy when I can surprise him). I spend more on my family and my friends, I may think twice about spending this much on myself but if its for my mom or dad or sister or inlaws I wouldn’t think twice! I take an extra job so I can make a little extra, and that little extra I refuse to touch..it goes directly into my baby’s bank (though I have yet to have my baby hehehe).

Good habits, I know. But sometimes, I should live a little. Worry less. Sometimes life happens when you’re busy making plans. And I don’t want life to pass me by while im busy planning my life and making calculations for the years ahead.

I am, in some ways, the complete opposite of Shahir. I am meticulous and efficient. He is carefree and stress-free. We help each other learn and adapt and take what is good, leave what is bad. I have learned from him not to sweat the little stuff.

I have changed alot since the year that we have been married. He has made me more open, he makes me laugh more, he makes me a funny person, a silly person. He makes me a better daughter, by setting an example of how selfless a son can be. He makes me worry less! Which is a feat in its own, as I am a complete worry-er.

Now, the fact that we have this huge housing loan to start paying every month doesn’t stress me out so much. I always remember his words: what is the worst that can happen?

We are both young, energetic and driven, thanks to Allah. We have our healths. We have our jobs. We have our whole life to earn money. Rezeki, Shahir says, memang akan ada. We may not be able to live a lavish life, we may not be able to move into our house yet (sbb kena tggu funds cukup to renovate n letak lampu and kipas and beli katil etc). We may not be able to do everything according to plan. But at the end of the day, we have a house. But most importantly, we have a home.

We have a home, even though we haven’t moved into our house yet. We have a home in Bangi, and a home in PJ. Some people don’t have homes at all. Some people, despite their gorgeous mansions, are all alone.

It made me realise that the things that matter, I already have. And im happy with my lot. It also makes me realise, that the things that really count, can’t be counted.
Due to his wisdom, I am better at handling the stress in our lives. Yes, I take on an additional job to earn a little more, but im not stressed out about how much or how little I make. And im ok with the fact that most of our savings will be gone once we extend and furnish the house. As long as there is some savings for emergencies and for my baby, its ok. The rest we can use for the house. And even if that means we have a little left to spare, or we cnt eat at fancy places as often (ill miss you, sushi!!), it is enough. More than enough to make the two of us happy 

I cnt wait to move into the house. But I don’t mind that it wont be anytime soon. Like the words of Bono in the U2 song SOMETIMES YOU CANT MAKE IT ON YOUR OWN: a house doesn’t make a home. How true.

I have my home, and it is with him, with my family, with his family.
So bring it on! Im ready to be an adult and pay for housing loans and bear the responsibility with my husband. Even it it means less money for shopping huhuhu ;)

And I promise, once I move in, I will cook a good meal from my loving hands for my family and friends that matter most. That is the thing which I look forward to the most.

See you guys at Desa Pinggiran Putra soon, insyaAllah!