Small Changes, Big Difference

18th and 19th June had come and gone but the memories are far from fading.

We were all tired, having just finished work and rushing to get our supplies together, hurriedly packing for the trip to Johor. yes, Johor, as the school in Melaka decided to last minute cancel on us. We were lucky enough to find a replacement school about 2 days before the event. but that meant a further distance to travel and money, which was tight as it is.

We got lost otw to the hotel, and by them time I hit the bed, it was already 4am..had to be at the school by 8, and everything was scheduled to start at 9. we hadn't even been to the school yet to check out the facilities etc but with such last minute change of plans, we did it gung ho style. we did what we could.

well, since sleeping only at about 430 am, naturally we were running a lil late the next day hehehe. it was quite chaotic. i suppose we should have been more organized and prepare everything way in advance but since we were all professionals with tight schedules, it was the best we could do, to play it by ear. hehe but it went along fine anyway.

i immediately noticed the kids were bright and enthusiastic. i was encouraged by their attitudes. to be honest, i was sooooo nervous because it isnt easy to try and get kids from a rural school to be excited about english and get them to understand the importance of the language so that they would make more effort to speak it. i had a big responsibility on my shoulders. me and the whole team had a big responsibility. to motivate and educate these kids in just 2 days, 1 night was a daunting task, but one we took seriously.

i gotta hand it to the kids. if it were me, having to attend a compulsory camp for two days during the weekend, having to give up the luxury of sleeping in my own comfy bed for the hard floors of the classroom, i would NOT BE PLEASED. I'd probably ponteng if the camp was boring (yes i was the kinda kid that did what i felt was right, and if the class was proving to benefit me, i would skip it). But not these kids, we didnt hv to count their attendance or scold them for being late. we didnt have to punish them for any disciplinary issues. we just had to arrive, share with them the knowledge and experience we had, and be their friend.

i think being their friend was the best thing we could have done. it was a method that proved to work.

my friends and i were so so happy that the kids were participative and interested in the programs we came up with. there was so much laughter and smiles. i hardly saw a bored or blank face, which is a common sight in classrooms. even during the talks (yes, it wasnt all fun and games) the kids were paying attention, writing notes, listening to the speaker. we, the facilitators, were actually dead tired from lack of sleep and overwork, but seeing their eager faces made the fatigue just disappear.

my time to speak came. i was in charge of the english module, "I love English" which my friends Fadzleena also was instrumental in helping me prepare. but my nervousness disappeared because i could see that there was a huge possibility these kids would b interested in what i had to say. i just had to say it in an interesting way :)

so i did. i told them about the importance of english, how it could give them an extra advantage over the rest, how english could help them enter into the university of their choice ANYWHERE in the world, how english could help them land that scholarship, how they could travel and represent their universities/companies that they work in..

and here is the best part: they were listening. and for their activity, which was public speaking, they gave it their best shot despite their fears of speaking on stage, with a microphone, in front of everyone. i told them they couldnt be afraid of making mistakes. its ok to make mistakes. that way you learn. and they should do what they can, however small the steps they take, in order to improve. small changes, big difference!

it was truly sad to leave, time flew by so fast and the next thing we knew, it was time to head to KL. though i missed my husband dearly, and i wanted to see him as soon as possible, being with the kids and being able to help them made the separation worthwhile. the testimonials they gave truly warmed our hearts. they didnt want us to leave, they wished the camp could go on longer, they realised that they sky is the limit, that they can achieve their dreams and now know the avenues of getting there. im so proud of our team because everyone got together despite their hectic schedules to do something good, something worthwhile for these wonderful kids.

im especially happy that the kids were motivated to speak and master english. all this while, they didnt bother to really speak the language. they were afraid of being taunted and teased. they were afraid of being labelled 'mat salleh celup'. but i had shared with them my personal experience. in high school, i was the nerdy kampung kids who wasnt as pretty or as good as her friends. in uni, i was the modern, 'free hair' (though i wasnt), liberal, bangsa cintakan penjajah girl.

so i told them, whatever you do, there will always be someone who is displeased and may find fault with you. you'll be criticized if you do, you'll be criticized if you dont. so why care about the mean things people say? why let their negative comments dictate the self improvements you are about to make? you might as well go ahead and do what you feel is right.

and they remembered my words. they quoted them as their FB statuses. they wrote the same phrases i uttered in their testimonials. :') i was touched beyond words. and i felt grateful to Allah, for giving me this ability to speak, for granting me the opportunity to help these bright kids, and for letting me have the chance to make a difference in their lives.

it is here, where my life finds most meaning. when i am able to help somebody else, touch someone's life, inspire another person in any small way, i am at my happiest.

* * * * *

I know now this is my place. here, at home, in Malaysia. i have always looked to overseas to pursue my phd, i have always dreamed of it since i finished my SPM. sometimes im ok with not going abroad, and other times sadness engulfs me. but i need to remember these bright young faces of these kids. there really is no point if i obtain a fancy degree from an overseas Uni if i dont give back to the people, if i dont change someone else's life for the better. I have a good thing going here in Malaysia. I dont need to go overseas in order to prove my worth. I belong right here.

right here in my country. with my family. with my husband. life is not perfect. we do not get everything we ask for. but we do get everything that is best for us. and maybe this is what is best for me. That is what Allah is telling me and I need to really believe it. wholeheartedly.

i have everything i need. im a lucky girl. and i have a wonderful, supportive husband who doesnt mind ironing his clothes once in a while or washing his dishes without being asked.

yes, life is not perfect. but Alhamdulillah mine almost is. so why waste my tears over going abroad?

believe the things you tell the kids, Murni. believe that you can do it. that you can be the best academician you can be, right here in Malaysia.