a little bit goes a long way

you know, previously i was very depressed. it was an off and on thing. but i realised the source of my depression was the fact that i had too much time on my hands. im always alone, whether it be at home or in the office. human interaction was scarce. everyone was busy with work and their own lives. i was awaiting to do my PhD and in the meantime had not much to do. i hate having not much to do.

shahir (the wise man that he is) and a colleague (now a good friend) of mine advised me to kepe myself busy. I had to start doing something for me, so I would feel happy and fulfilled and not feel useless.

So I did. I realise I feel happiest when im helping others. thats why i wanted to be a lecturer. for the gratification and satisfaction it brings me, to know I helped enrich or better a student's life. but since i havent got my phd yet and since they dont allow me to teach any classes, ill hv to find something else to do.

aside from picking up my hobby of glass painting, im trying to cook more. this evening im gonna attempt to cook chinese muslim style butter prawn, coz shahir loves to eat it. but other than cooking, im trying to be more active in NGO activities, charities, etc.

i frequently look through my closet to see if there is something i dont wear, something i dont need, something that someone else would love or find useful. then i'd gather my things and stuff from friends and family and give them to orphanages. like the time shahir and i dropped of bozes of clothing at a self-run orphanage in Kajang. it was such a sad looking place :( of course, the kind owner didnt have enough money to spruce the place up. it was good enough she was opening her homes to unfortunate kids.

i get really affected by such things. i found that i didnt wanna look around the orphanage much, because I was embarassed by what I was wearing ( I was dressed nicely sbb otw to a kenduri; gotta kill two birds with one stone since the orphanage was otw as well), and because I knew that I would feel sad if I saw the condition the kids were living in. And i knew I couldnt handle being sad for them.

But Shahir was observing, and he saw these two indian muslim kids cling to their mother and cry, and asking her not to leave. She then pried herself from the arms of her children and went to the taxi (i guess she took a taxi there) and she took out some toys she bought (you could tell they were inexpensive toys, but they were new) and she gave it to her kids. and the were crying. the mom was crying.

I saw the tears in the mom's eyes. I asked shahir what was she doing there? I was naive i guess. He then told me that some kids at orphanages have parents, or a parent, who cant afford to take care of them. So they leave the kids at these homes to be taken care of, while they go and work, and when they are free, the take the time to visit.

I cried in the car, cried in front of Shahir, because I felt terrible. I felt like a spoilt ungrateful child. I felt blessed at the same time. I felt lucky and I felt guilty to be so lucky and I felt SO SAD that all i could do was give them a box of cloths.

Then i thought about my mom, and if I had to be separated from my mom the way these kids were, Id die.

Then shahir told me I shouldnt feel bad, because a little help goes a long way. The kids would be happy to have nice, relatively new clothing. Next time,he consoled, we can give clothes, money and maybe help a little bit more.

And i remember his words. He thinks everything he says goes in my ear, and immediately goes out the other. But he doesnt know i remember and take into consideration everything he says.

From then on, i knew i had to do something more to help. not just sit on my butt and be sad at the news on tv and feel for people, but not DO for people. This time, i wanted to help and MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

So i try. little steps that may not seem like a lot. but at least its better than nothing. like when i heard someone was organising a jumble sale for the victims of the landslide in hulu langat, i asked from my friends if they wanted to donate their clothes. and im so happy my friends were so cooperative :) They even asked from their colleagues for clothes, etc to be donated. I had to collect so many boxes and bags of clothes it could fit a lorry!! but alhamdulillah, im very happy that people want to help. and they give away good things too. expensive clothes, still new, some costing hundreds of ringgit. my father in law even gave away his expensive unworn suits. 100% wool pants and linen shirts.

thing is, even tho its a small step, many still dont find the time to do it. and that is ok. sometimes life gets in the way. we hardly have time to have a good long bath, what more look through our wardrobe. BUT, the fact that some would be willing to take a lil time to help for a good cause, alhamdulillah for them. I feel so happy to know so many good people in this world.

And now, im apart of this motivation camp for underprivileged kids called SMALL CHANGES. the idea is, we have a 2 day camp for these bright, rural kids and provide them with inspiration, with ideas on what they can do after school, basically give them a lil motivation to go on, and be the best they can be.

im in charge of the english module, where i have to give a talk for about an hour, on how to speak english with confidence. another hour, will be for an activity whereby they have to speak english. for the winners, i plan to give them presents. A wallet for a guy, bodyshop perfume for a girl. I think that its just a lil incentive to encourage them to speak.

I know its a tiny attempt to improve the lives of these kids, but i really believe that an encounter with one person, however short, has the power to change someone's life. i've seen it with my own eyes. iv had that experience. people inspire me all the time.

If we can help to inpire one child, and make one life better, then Alhamdulillah.

At the moment, im so glad for the overwhelming response we get from friends and family wanting to give ideas and volunteer, etc. and im so touched by the generous donations people give :') even if its a ringgit, it means so much to me. i know economic times are hard, so those that spare a few ringgit, May Allah bless them for their sincere and good intention for wanting to help. And some, they give more than what I could ever expect. and its so humbling, so inspiring to know that such generous, big hearted ppl live in this world. people whom you probably wouldnt anticipate, or people you may judge as stuck up snobs, sometimes have the biggest heart. for all the help me and my friends have received, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I really hope that this program goes well. Im so excited! i cant wait to start. i cnt wait to be there, talking to them, and hopefully making a difference in a person's life. i want them to see that they can change their lives. these kids have the power to move forward for the better, despite the odds. and i want them to know, that even if their english is not as good now, they can improve, IF ONLY THEY WANT TO.

ill never forget a friend of mine. how his english has improved so much within a short span of time (granted his english wasnt bad before). but the improvement was amazing. he is smarter and more articulate in a way that i dont think even he realises.

so i really believe that these kids can do this. they can be the best they can be. And now I want these kids to believe it, too!

if anyone wants to help me and my friends make this program a success, you can donate or volunteer or give ideas. we welcome any help! you can contact me at murniwan86@gmail.com or see this link www.smallchanges2011.blogspot.com

remember, a lil bit goes a long way!