living life (and trying to write about it!)

It has been awhile since I last blogged. Its me giving excuses, I know, but it’s true. Sometimes life gets in the way. I used to have all the time to write poems, depressing poems, hopeful ones, etc etc and in some respects, im glad that im too happy living my life until I haven’t got the time to blog much.

But I realize that I shouldn’t quit. I should push myself to write creatively. I know I may be a future lecturer and academician (InsyaAllah) but I don’t think that I should only limit myself to writing on legal and academic matters. Life isn’t just about the serious things. I think sometimes we work too hard, take things too seriously, plan our future and finances so meticulously, that we forget to actually LIVE this life we are planning so hard for. And I realize its a shame.

So this is me, all parts of me. The wife in me, the lecturer to be in me, the struggling Muslim in me. And I hope that through these words that I write, I can share my experiences, I can touch some hearts, I can move and inspire some people in my own way. If only one person is inspired (that’s probably you Shahir hehe) then at least, it’s something. No, not just something. It’s everything 

Anyway, I’ve been busy with work, which makes me happy because I hate doing nothing at home. Call me crazy but I just CANNOT lie down on the couch, eat and watch tv all day. I need to be busy doing something, something I feel is important, in order for me to feel like my life has purpose. That’s why I know I could never make it as a stay at home mom for long. What happens when the kids are in school? Id be too depressed.

So its important that I do something for myself, something that I can be proud of. Im really happy that my article is getting published. Alhamdulillah for little blessings in my life. Im also happy that my talk in KEDAH went smoother than I expected. Although, I have to admit, I wasn’t entirely happy. It wasn’t a topic I chose for myself, it was a very factual topic and I tried to put in an inspiring quote or two. I did the best I could to make it interesting, to make sure the information was correct, etc. Thank God I didn’t really depend on my notes that I prepared, I could speak off the cuff more the most part.

But there was this one question from this elderly participant that I couldn’t answer. The other questions put forth was answerable, thank God. But this one Q, omg. Susah gile nak jwb. One thing, it wasn’t even a question related to my topic. And second thing, it was too specific. I knew I couldn’t fake an answer, and I felt my face get hot. I just said calmly that with regards to that issue in specific, I do not have the answer at hand..hehehe. Oh well, it was an experience and insyaAllah in future I would be better able to answer anything, even ridiculously specific Qs that even the Menteri Kementerian Belia dan Sukan wouldn’t be able to answer.

Im also trying to juggle my time between work, husband, in laws, my own family, friends and the like. I say man, it is a challenge! Shahir’s schedule is always changing and unpredictable. I have learned to become super efficient in order to manage all our affairs and make sure everyone is happy (hopefully). I think I should ask for shahir to gimme an allowance for being the best secretary ever! Hehe. I pack his clothes and think of all the things I knw he will need before he knows he needs them. A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do right? I try to make sure all parties are satisfied, because taking care of the feeling of family members is important. But above all, I try to make sure he is happy. If everyone else is happy and my husband isn’t, it would be pointless to me.

We have been trying to lead healthier lifestyles. Shahir and I have put on quite a few pounds since 6th June 2010 hehehe that’s what happens when ppl are happy, they just stuff their faces with food! But its terribly unhealthy. Im not so concerned with how much I weigh, to be honest. I don’t even step on a scale. But I DETEST the feeling of tight clothes. And that’s the situation now. Takde anak lagi dah gemuk mcmni. Susah2..and I do NOT wanna give the excuse that Im married, its fine, iv already got a husband,w hat for wanna jaga? I think that is a TERRIBLE way to think. Why would u dress nicely for your bf, but when you are married you couldn’t care less? I think its most important to please the man to whom you are married.

So, in order to get healthy and happy (er!), shahir and I have taken to exercising at least once a week. I love playing badminton with him. He is super patient! The first time I played, since I haven’t played in about 5 years, I wasn’t able to hit the shuttlecock at all! Hahahaha but he never got agitated. He showed me the best way to hold a racket, how to serve, everything. And im grateful im improving a lot. My coordination was horrible but now its pretty decent. I can anticipate where he will serve sometimes hehe and I cn (sometimes) hit it bck even though it was a tricky serve. And when he gave me a ball that is too hard for me to catch, I yell “u jahat!” hehehehehe but of course im kidding.

But I can see the difference after exercising. Shahir would tire easily before this, and I didn’t blame him. Waking up really early for work and coming back when other people are about to sleep. But Alhamdulillah, exercising keeps our energy up. When everyone else is sleeping in on Saturdays, we wake up after subuh and play badminton at cyberjaya at 7. It’s a great feeling not to waste the weekend, t o spend it with each other, doing something fun and healthy. We decided that once we have children, we will continue this every weekend. We are planning to stay in Putrajaya so the sports complex is really nearby. I can just imagine Shahir and I playing with our kiddies. Hopefully they inherit their daddy’s coordination and sportsmanship hehehe

Owh, great news! I am more determined to go with the new direction for my PhD thesis. So this is my title: The enforcement of human rights in Malaysia and its relationship with the development and modernization of the State.
Im tired of ppl thinking only the medical and science fields are important and lucrative. Where would any country be without a proper system of law and order? Have ppl forgotten all about that? I mean, Tunisia was a State economically superior to most of its other African counterparts. But since their exiled president was too dictatorial, the people revolted against the ruling. And when such revolutions happen, you can expect that lives are destroyed as collateral damage. What would happen to the economy then? Would it prosper or would it sink? I think you know what Im trying to get at.

I have done a lot of reading and not many books would relate good HUMAN RIGHTS enforcement to the development of the State. So im trying to establish that in my thesis. I found one, just one book that attempts to show, in quantifiable terms, the relationship between human rights and the economy. Im gonna explore that further. But to understand the economic terms, the graphs, etc is super hard hehehe. May God help me. I subscribed to TIME magazine to help keep me informed about political and economic matters. Small steps, ppl..

I also plan on interviewing many human rights and constitutional lawyers and academicians, and if im lucky, some politicians as well in order to present their opinions with regards to the human rights enforcement in our country. I know, it’s a tall order and maybe im a little over my head, but I gotta aim high. I really hope I can publish this thesis.  I feel really good about it, finally and I don’t think im gonna change the direction anymore.

Which reminds me, that I have to search for international cases on human rights for my phd proposal. Susah sket sbb its international cases from international tribunals, I don’t even know the proper mode of citation hehe. So yeah, better start googling now!

You will see me soon, insyaAllah. I’ll keep you posted I promise!