someone like you

have you even been so hurt by a past experience, that though its over and you've moved on with your life, if something reminds you of that dark period in your life, the memory could bring you to tears?

this is the song that did that for me..



someone like you, by Adele


I heard that you're settled down,
That you found a girl and you're married now,
I heard that your dreams came true,
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you,
Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light,

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited,
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it,
I had hoped you'd see my face,
And that you'd be reminded that for me it isn't over,

Never mind, I'll find someone like you,
I wish nothing but the best for you, too,
Don't forget me, I beg,
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead,"
Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead, yeah,

You know how the time flies,
Only yesterday was the time of our lives,
We were born and raised in a summer haze,
Bound by the surprise of our glory days,

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited,
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it,
I had hoped you'd see my face,
And that you'd be reminded that for me it isn't over,


Never mind, I'll find someone like you,
I wish nothing but the best for you, too,
Don't forget me, I beg,
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead,"

Nothing compares,
No worries or cares,
Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made,
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

Nevermind, I'll find someone like you,
I wish nothing but the best for you, too,
Don't forget me, I beg,
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead,"
Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead..



the words echo my feelings a little over two years ago. i pride myself in being smart, in being a person who values head over heart. so a part of me hated myself for allowing myself to be in a position of such pain, hurt, and sometimes even a little humiliation.

if i had not gone to that kenduri in January, if i had not sat down next to this kind man with a soft voice and gentle eyes, i would have been living this song. it would have been me, singing.."nevermind i'll find somene like you..i wish nothing but the best for you.."

and it worried me that i may have to find someone like you. i didnt want a comparison. i didnt want a reminder of the past. i didnt want to settle.

and Alhamdulillah, i didnt. i didnt have to say, nevermind ill find someone like you.
because Allah gave me what was even better for me.

god, i can cry thinking abt it. because it was a trying time in my life, where i didnt have many people that understood me in my life. where there were those around me who tried to bring me down emotionally and spiritually. i didnt know how to talk about what i felt. it was a mixture of everything, of shame, of hurt, of fear, of loneliness.

i remember the nights id pray to God asking him to take away this feeling in my heart because I could not will it away. I remember after studying and all were asleep and the lights were closed, id cry myself to sleep.

*shivers thinking about it*

thank you for literally saving me from a life of pain. you dont know the mess i was in when you came into my life, i hid it well from you as i hid it from others. i was a wilted flower but somehow, you were the only one that could make it better.

its because of you that i dont have to listen to sad songs anymore, that i dont cry in the early mornings, that i dont feel guilt and loneliness and shame. its because of you that i am free.

you freed me.

forgive me for my many mistakes to you. only Allah knows how grateful I am.

strangely enough though, id never change anything that has happened. despite the bad times, i learned an invaluable experience. and despite the pain, i also made a good friend. one that id remember for a long time.

im happy we both are happy my friend.

and im happy that this song would never apply to me anymore. its liberating, to know that something so dark n terrible doesnt have the power to hurt you anymore.

im free. my husband, you freed me.

*tears in my eyes*

love you always. always