happy!

as corny as the title to this post is, its true.

its been 10 months since ive been with UPM. thought at first i felt lost, totally unfamiliar with the thousand procedures you have to go through just for a car sticker/leave the office for awhile/go for a holiday overseas, im getting teh hang of things now (i think). i remember the first day i arrived..i met all the ppl i was supposed to, then i went home coz i thought there was nothing to do. heehee! then the next day i got a call from by head of dept's secretary asking where i was. i said innocently im at home, is there anything? haha apparently im supposed to come to UPM everyday and clock in at 8, i sooo didnt know. good thing my head of dept is a really nice, understanding man.

i was lonely in UPM. my colleagues are much older, they have kids and are busy with their classes, research and errands in between. needless to say, the chance to have lunch with them arent many. so i ate alone in front of my pc almost every single day. i read books, did research, wrote on my paper n phd proposals coz i didnt know how else to pass the time. it was terribly lonely.

but things started to change once i was picked at the MC of this nationwide "training for trainers" program. i got to be friends with the staff, the research students (who are around my age), i got to work more closely with mo colleagues, i even got the opportunity to write a chapter in a lecturer's book! he suddenly came up to me and asked me to contribute a chapter in his upcoming book. i was surprised, does he know my quality of writing? he is taking a risk in asking me to write fro his book, but i said yes coz i wanted to take the opportunity to write and publish (as they say in the academic world--publish or perish!). the thing is, the chapter is in BM! oh no..im so used to thinking in english. so what i did was, write the paper in english first and then translate it kekeke. the translation is in progress and who is doing it? none other than my wonderful husband (love u syg!). the title of my chapter: peranan hak asasi manusi dalam pembentukan dan kemajuan negara. hahaha me writing in bm. im so proud of myself. is that ok to be proud of myself? hehe

another thing im ecstatic about is: when i was given the opportunity to take over another colleague's lecture. it was last min, i had no time whatsoever to prepare and the topic was TAMADUN ISLAM. kelakar wei. i didnt come from religious school, tak hafal quran tak hafal that many hadith nak ajar tamadun islam. but i gave it my best and read abit from their manual but decided to chuck it and explain from my understanding. i explained to them though they may think this subject is unrelated to their field (i was teaching medic students that day), it concerns them more than they think. the problems of today is because ppl do not have proper appreciation and understanding of the islamic civilization. i explained the former glory of our past islamic civilization, how we started the study of algebra, astronomy, medicine etc. i explained how islamic laws and the way of life of proper muslims have the ability to restore structure in this chaotic world. i explained how even though our inheritance laws seem unfair, the reasons are because women are to be protected. the 'extra' portion given to males arent for them to spend for themselves, its meant to be used for the care of the females in the family. chauvinistic, demeaning to women? i think not! women in islam was, for the first time in history, given inheritance as ordained by God. Not only that, women were allowed to work, and whatever she earned (with the exception that her husband consents to her working) was hers alone, it need not be shared. the way i see it, islamic law preserves womens rights, not walks all over it. i explained how the leaders today bring chaos and destruction to their own nation because they do not follow islamic law. islamic law is the first that talks about human rights far before natural law theorists such as Thomas Aquinas talked about it. the hadith explains no arab is superior over a non arab, no white superior over a black and vice versa. its the fact that all the islamic values which has been forgotten and unpracticed which results in the problems today's leaders face. if the likes of Hosni Mubarak or Tunisia's ex president only realised that their reign was temporary, as Allah's khalifah alone to do good for others instead of their own personal gain, they would not resort to dictatorship which would only end up with their own people going against them.

i was beyond happy and touched when after the class, a few chinese (chinese ok, i was explaining and glorifying Islam) students came up to me and told me how much they liked the class. they said they learned more than from their original lecturer and for the first time, they listened and paid attention in class.

that, was priceless to me. those words had the ability to make me walk on air the whole day. so so happy. sometimes life as an academician in the making is lonely. but when a student says something like that, it reminds me of my purpose. and my purpose is this. to teach, to inspire, to motivate, to help others the best way i can.

and the best part is yet to come. i found out recently that my article, technology and the deterioration of right to privacy is going to be published in an international journal! alhamdulillah. i was soooo expecting to be rejected because i heard that you never get accepted on your first attempt, its after several tries and several works that youve written will one finally get published. Ya Allah thank you so much for this opportunity you've given me. pls endow me with more wisdom so i can write better and pass on the knowledge You have given me unto others.

:)

sigh, im just happy. happy. this is a long journey..its gonna take years before i become a Dr, even more years if i ever make it to a professor. its demotivating sometimes and lonely and frustrating and takes so much time that sometimes you lose focus. but im starting to feel comfortable where i am. im remembered of my calling, of the reason why i left a possibly promising career as a lawyer for this. teaching is in my blood. i hope ill do my parents and my husband proud.

i hope i can write even more, even better and i hope, i pray i get the CONFIDENCE i need. i always always put myself down and 2nd guess myself. like a good friend of mine, Wisham says, i sell myself short. i wish i could see myself the way he sees me.

o well, one step at a time. but for now, alhamdulillah, things are looking good in my career. albeit things are moving slowly, they are moving and i am grateful to God for allowing me the opportunities and the chances he has given me, for granting my prayers.

next project: i have to give a speech to 200 belia (aged 21-40) comprising of pemuda umno, from NGOs, student reps from universities around malaysia during the Program Pemimpin Muda Sebagai Penggubal Dasar. i have to lecture them on proses penggubalan dan pelaksanaan dasar. yikes! not only do i have to lecture 200 ppl (most of them older tahn me) on a subject i know nothing absolutely nothing about, i have to do it in BM and have a QnA session afterwards! im nervous i could die. God knows how much I hate politics and all related to it but here i am, hehe. though im scared for my life, im glad for the trust and opportunity my head of dept is giving me. alhamdulillah.

pls pray for me my friends. i need your support!